 fortune index all fortunes
| | #7623 | | A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened
to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the
sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.
"Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job.
Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?"
"Yes, upon rare occasions," answered the handler.
"Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by
a snake?"
"I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I
am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then
suck the poison from the wound."
"What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally *sit* on
a rattler?" persisted the woman.
"Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn
who my real friends are."
| | | #7624 | | Accept people for what they are -- completely unacceptable.
| | | #7625 | | According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never dies.
| | | #7626 | | Adam was but human--this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the
apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in
not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
| | | #7627 | | Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
| | | #7628 | | Advice to young men: Be ascetic, and if you can't be ascetic,
then at least be aseptic.
| | | #7629 | | After all, it is only the mediocre who are always at their best.
-- Jean Giraudoux
| | | #7630 | | After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for
you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply
sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
-- P.J. O'Rourke
| | | #7631 | | After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe everything.
Just in case.
| | | #7632 | | After Snow White used a couple rolls of film taking pictures of the
seven dwarfs, she mailed the roll to be developed. Later she was heard to
sing, "Some day my prints will come."
| | | | ... |
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