 |
| #5947 | | I was the best I ever had.
-- Woody Allen
|
|
| #5948 | | "I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything specific".
-- Steven Wright
|
|
| #5949 | | "I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
questions , I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the
speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?
He said he couldn't answer that, I told him sorry, but I couldn't work
for him then.
-- Steven Wright
|
|
| #5950 | | "I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums."
-- Steven Wright
|
|
| #5951 | | I woke up this morning and discovered that everything in my apartment
had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I told my roommate,
"Isn't this amazing? Everything in the apartment has been stolen and
replaced with an exact replica." He said, "Do I know you?"
-- Steven Wright
|
|
| #5952 | | I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me,
"If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"
-- Steven Wright
|
|
| #5953 | | I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
-- Groucho Marx
|
|
| #5954 | | I'D LIKE TO BE BURIED INDIAN-STYLE, where they put you up on a high rack,
above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even
feel it.
-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
|
|
| #5955 | | I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member.
-- Groucho Marx
|
|
| #5956 | | I'll be comfortable on the couch. Famous last words.
-- Lenny Bruce
|
|
|
| ... |
