 fortune index all fortunes
| | #3828 | | Captain Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and
some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
| | | #3829 | | Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n.:
The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a
dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then
putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
| | | #3830 | | Carson's Consolation:
Nothing is ever a complete failure.
It can always be used as a bad example.
| | | #3831 | | Carson's Observation on Footwear:
If the shoe fits, buy the other one too.
| | | #3832 | | Carswell's Corollary:
Whenever man comes up with a better mousetrap,
nature invariably comes up with a better mouse.
| | | #3833 | | Cat, n.:
Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
| | | #3834 | | cerebral atrophy, n:
The phenomena which occurs as brain cells become weak and sick, and
impair the brain's performance. An abundance of these "bad" cells can cause
symptoms related to senility, apathy, depression, and overall poor academic
performance. A certain small number of brain cells will deteriorate due to
everday activity, but large amounts are weakened by intense mental effort
and the assimilation of difficult concepts. Many college students become
victims of this dread disorder due to poor habits such as overstudying.
cerebral darwinism, n:
The theory that the effects of cerebral atrophy can be reversed
through the purging action of heavy alcohol consumption. Large amounts of
alcohol cause many brain cells to perish due to oxygen deprivation. Through
the process of natural selection, the weak and sick brain cells will die
first, leaving only the healthy cells. This wonderful process leaves the
imbiber with a healthier, more vibrant brain, and increases mental capacity.
Thus, the devastating effects of cerebral atrophy are reversed, and academic
performance actually increases beyond previous levels.
| | | #3835 | | Chamberlain's Laws:
(1) The big guys always win.
(2) Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
| | | #3836 | | character density, n.:
The number of very weird people in the office.
| | | #3837 | | Charity, n.:
A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
| | | | ... ... |
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